Una nuova prospettiva sui bisogni umani e sull’amore

Sono passati 63 anni dalla pubblicazione del libro Motivation and Personality, dove Abrahm Maslow presentò l’universalmente nota “Piramide di Maslow” o “Hierarchy of Needs”, nella quale la scala dei bisogni dell’uomo è suddivisa in cinque livelli, dai più elementari ai più complessi.

Per chi non la conoscesse, l’idea interessante della piramide è che occorra soddisfare i bisogni fisiologici di base (mangiare, dormire) prima di sperimentare i bisogni dei livelli successivi (sicurezza, appartenenza, stima, autorelizzazione).

Questa piramide ha avuto per me una grande importanza nella crescita personale. Ogni volta che ho affrontato un passo importante della mia vita, come il laurearmi, trovare il primo lavoro, l’andare a vivere via da casa, sposarmi, fare dei figli, ho sempre cercato di posizionarlo in un percorso verso la cima di questa piramide.

Tuttavia, ora che posso permettermi di guardare indietro con una visione abbastanza ampia di quella che sarà la mia vita, sento che questa piramide non è più in grado di rappresentare la mia crescita come avrei pensato.

Forse sono cambiato io, forse sono cambiati i tempi. La mia visione è che ci troviamo in un’epoca di benessere nella quale possiamo assumere che i bisogni di base siano dati per scontati e dove ci si sta accorgendo che la realizzazione personale in ambito lavorativo ed economico sia sopravvalutata.

Per rendere conto di questo cambiamento sia a livello personale che nella percezione di come siano cambiati i tempi, vi propongo questa piramide alternativa a quella di Maslow, che spero possa essere da guida per la crescita personale quanto lo è stata per me quella del molto più illustre psicologo statunitense del secolo scorso.

In questa schema dei bisogni vale sempre l’ottima intuizione di Maslow che i bisogni cambino man mano che vengono soddisfatti: sulla vetta non troviamo tuttavia l’autorealizzazione: l’autorealizzazione viene anzi spostata al gradino più basso, come fondamento dei gradini successivi.

L’autorealizzazione (self) è infatti la prima necessità nel percorso di crescita: trovare la nostra identità, giocando, esplorando, studiando, mettendosi alla prova con il lavoro, cercando di capire cosa vogliamo fare della nostra vita e a cosa siamo destinati.

Solo una volta trovata una piena consapevolezza di noi stessi sentiamo la necessità di una situazione diversa (family/friends), nella quale non siamo più concentrati soltanto su noi stessi, ma scopriamo pienamente quanto sia grandioso il donarsi pienamente agli altri, trovare qualcuno per cui valga la pena di morire. Questa affermazione, che può sembrare un po’ eccessiva, rende conto molto bene di quella che è una fortissima motivazione verso la vetta del nostro percorso di vita:

sopravvivere

sopravvivere inteso non come evitare di essere spazzati via prematuramente da una guerra o da una malattia, e tantomeno vivere senza alcuna motivazione, ma sfuggire all’impietoso trascorrere del tempo e, in modo definitivo, alla morte.
All’interno della famiglia il nostro io si diluisce progressivamente in altre persone, dal partner, ai figli, agli amici che consideriamo parte di una famiglia che eventualmente non realizziamo in termini canonici. Diluire significa trasferire il meglio di quello che siamo alle persone più care perché siano loro a farci sopravvivere e siano eventualmente in grado di fare fluire il nostro essere alle generazioni successive. Possiamo chiamare questo bisogno come il “donare il nostro essere alle persone più care”: in una sola parola, “amare”.

E forse questa può essere anche una diversa prospettiva sull’amore, che scopriamo non essere soltanto donare, ma anche per l’appunto sopravvivere. Da questo punto di vista infatti anche l’amore completo e disinteressato una motivazione ce l’ha sempre:

“amo te perché voglio sopravvivere in te”

Personalmente sento di essere arrivato qui: a non sentire più il bisogno di sopravvivere, perché i miei figli, che come ogni padre amo più di ogni altra cosa, hanno ormai un’età nella quale non credo avranno modo di dimenticarsi di me, anche senza l’aiuto della tecnologia, che forse non durerà quanto il loro ricordo.

L’aver soddisfatto questo bisogno mi affaccia sul terzo gradino, al quale ho dato soltanto un nome (others) e del quale ho già formulato un’idea ancora piuttosto vaga: non mi sento tuttavia in grado di raccontarvela ora, per non fare l’errore ormai molto comune di presentarsi come esperti di materie che conosciamo soltanto in modo molto superficiale.

Spero di poter ritrovare questo post tra qualche anno e poterlo completare.

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